World’s best 30 second jokes

A fantastic mega collection of the best jokes that take 30 seconds to say. Become instantly popular at work and when socializing, or entertain your family with these hundreds, maybe thousands, of jokes. Some gems include: My doctor said LSD has seriously effected my mental health and altered my state of mind to the point that I'm walking around in a constant dream world. I decided to get a second opinion. He must be overreacting because the Lizard King from the 5th dimension of Sirius reckons I'm only suffering from stress. After living on a remote farm all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big bad city. In one of the big department stores he picked up a mirror and looked into it. Not knowing what it was, he said, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy." So he bought the 'picture', but on his way home to his farm he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. He thought for a moment and decided to hang it in their barn. Every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at his 'daddy'. Lizzy began to feel suspicious of his many trips to the barn, so one day after her husband left she searched that barn and found the mirror. As she looked at the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly cow he's involved with!" Once upon a time. Little Red Riding Hood's mother (being concerned about the increase in violence in rural America) gave Little Red a .45 caliber gun for protection. Little Red kept this gun in her basket. One summer day while on the way to her grandmother's house, a big bad wolf jumped out from behind a tree and howled "I'm going to screw your brains out!" Little Red pulled out her gun from the basket and calmly replied: "Oh no you're not, you're going to eat me like the story says."