From Bulimia To Self Love: How to Break Free From Eating Disorders And Love Yourself Again: A Real Personal Story Of A Young Girl
"It's January and I am still at the clinic. In the following weeks I am steadily approaching my new goal: 45 kilograms. I have never felt that weak before. I faint several times daily and I can only walk leaning against the walls. Sometimes even this is not enough support and I fall to the floor. I often don't feel my legs at all, or my knees go numb and I simply collapse. The nurses are getting worried because it's obvious that I am going downhill."
From Bulimia To Self Love: How to Break Free From Eating Disorders And Love Yourself Again: A Real Personal Story Of A Young Girl
"The scales show 47 kg. I am proud of this accomplishment, but when I look in the mirror, I still don't like what I see. I could still lose some fat here and there. I look at myself with resistance. Even though I managed to reach fortysomething, I am far from satisfied. Each lost kilogram uncovers more of my faults. Looking in the mirror makes me want to cry. I am desperate to slim down, but I don't have the strength to lose any more weight. The daily fainting fits. The overeating sessions followed by the monstrous, painful vomiting that takes ages as it happens more and more frequently that the food refuses to come out. I vomit blood and my throat and gullet burn. My stomach aches. My teeth are changing, they are becoming glassy and yellowish. My hair is thinning. Nevertheless, all of this is not enough for me to consider changing my ways."
From Bulimia To Self Love: How to Break Free From Eating Disorders And Love Yourself Again: A Real Personal Story Of A Young Girl
"Five minutes later I open my eyes and realize I'm lying in a puddle of vomit. The feeling of disgust makes my stomach contract once again. I look up and notice a pair of legs dangling from the cubicle wall. Am I hallucinating? Then there's a thud and Jane's kneeling by my side. She climbed over the wall to get to me. I feel her hands around my waist, I struggle to keep awake, the effort makes me puke again, I feel warmth on my thighs ... I puked all over myself. I don't care. It's pleasantly warm, come to think of it ... Jane supports me ... I reach into my bag and pull out the vodka bottle ... Before Jane can stop me, I take another swig ... The bottle is empty now ... How disappointing! I wish I had another one ... I would drink whatever just to sink back into darkness and never wake again ... I am fed up with everything anyway."
From Bulimia To Self Love: How to Break Free From Eating Disorders And Love Yourself Again: A Real Personal Story Of A Young Girl
"I am losing control. One of the employees dials 113, the police emergency number. I flip and start howling and crying, my voice unnaturally high and unfamiliar, begging them not to call the police ... I feign bitter tears, hoping I will talk myself out of it eventually; but I am losing my calm and I sound unconvincing even to myself. The employee just sighs and says she has to follow the procedure so I can save my breath and tell it to the police when they come.
I am crying hysterically. There's nothing I can do and it's driving me mad. Police is on the way. I'm finally going to pay the price for everything I've done. The thought terrifies me; I start hurling insults at everyone in the office.
Two policemen come, exchange a few words with the employees, ask me a few questions about the incident and make minutes of the interrogation. One of them asks me in a rude tone if it isn't a male perfume that I stole. I tell him he can check the label – if he can read, that is."
From Bulimia To Self Love: How to Break Free From Eating Disorders And Love Yourself Again: A Real Personal Story Of A Young Girl
