When I told people I was going to write a book of funny letters written to celebrities and other short fictional stories about the absurdities of life, they said to me "Adam, don't do that, no-one will buy it". I stood a little straighter, looked them in the eye and I said "yeah, you're probably right. Dumb idea".
Then I heard about the monkey, banana, ladder experiment. It goes like this: 5 monkeys are placed in a room. A banana is hung on the ceiling. Directly below it is ladder, running down to the ground and the 5 monkeys. Logically, one of the monkeys attempts to climb up and get the banana, as would you if you were a monkey and stuck in this boring room with only other monkeys and one banana to keep yourself not only nourished, but also entertained. Here comes the kicker, as soon as any monkey starts climbing the ladder all the monkeys are sprayed with freezing cold water. The monkeys learn, ladder = freezing cold water for everyone. Now, no monkeys try for the banana. Next, the scientists remove one monkey and replaced it with a new monkey. This monkey doesn't know about that whole freezing cold water debacle and heads straight for the ladder. At which point he is viciously attacked and beaten up by the other monkeys. Why? He doesn't know, but soon learns it's best not to ask questions, oh and to avoid the ladder. The scientists keep swapping out the original monkeys for new monkeys, who first try for the banana and are beaten up, learn and then police newer monkeys as they try.
In the end, even after the water is turned off you have five monkeys beating each other up to stop them touching a ladder and not a single one of them knows why.
A Picnic For Perverts is me defying popular wisdom and launching myself at the Banana. It may get us all wet.
In terms of style, someone of a optimistic nature might compare it to David Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs, George Saunders or Douglas Adams.
Here is a run down of the chapters in the book described in a cryptic manner using just three nouns and one adjective. They chapters don't interrelate in anyway. Well, other than the fact I wrote them all. Which is probably obvious.
- 419 Scam - Lagos. 419 Scam. Parrot. Naive.
- A Gorilla In Sheep’s Clothing - HR Departments. Sheep. Gorilla. Truthful.
- A Letter to Steve Jobs Concerning the Beatles - John Lennon. Leonardo da Vinci. Steve Jobs. Conspiratorial.
- Aggression in the Pursuit of Excellence - Charades. Families. Christmas. Absurd.
- Dear God - Child. God. Letter. Innocent.
- Don’t Ask me, it’s my First Day Here - Futurologist. Interview. Capitalism. Optimistic.
- Girl In Green at Table 14 - Letter. Cafe. Love. Heartwarming.
- Hello Flenky - Letter. Father. Son. Fearful.
- If it makes you happy - Letter. Sheryl Crow. Alcoholism. Happy.
- Like, how American am I? - Americans. Test. Science. Annoying.
- Mini You - Fatherhood. Relationship. Children. Mean.
- Mystic Marilyn - Horoscopes. Pseudoscience. Leo. Discrediting.
- Pidge Daddy - Pigeons. God. Adultery. Secretive.
- Quadrup - Aliens. Earth. Procreation. Illuminating.
- Ransom Note - Ransom. Marriage. Wife. Jesting.
- Sales Advice from Senior Seller Chip Dalton - Stationery. Americanism. Sales Advice. Scientific.
- The Average Day in the Life of a Woman - Women. Marriage. Relationships. Offensive.
- The Holes The Goal - Q&A with pick up artist Pat Spritzel - Interview. Advice. Women. Seductive.
- Wassup - God. Stoner. Seamonkeys. Disappointing.
- We the Sheeple - Note. Bus Driver. Society. Rebellious.
Probably you can't believe there's more but take a break from throwing your money at the screen while I inform you - there is! The book also contains 7 hilarious fake product ads for such outlandish products as The Thin Suit and The Nihilists 8-Ball. I know, I spoil you!
Then I heard about the monkey, banana, ladder experiment. It goes like this: 5 monkeys are placed in a room. A banana is hung on the ceiling. Directly below it is ladder, running down to the ground and the 5 monkeys. Logically, one of the monkeys attempts to climb up and get the banana, as would you if you were a monkey and stuck in this boring room with only other monkeys and one banana to keep yourself not only nourished, but also entertained. Here comes the kicker, as soon as any monkey starts climbing the ladder all the monkeys are sprayed with freezing cold water. The monkeys learn, ladder = freezing cold water for everyone. Now, no monkeys try for the banana. Next, the scientists remove one monkey and replaced it with a new monkey. This monkey doesn't know about that whole freezing cold water debacle and heads straight for the ladder. At which point he is viciously attacked and beaten up by the other monkeys. Why? He doesn't know, but soon learns it's best not to ask questions, oh and to avoid the ladder. The scientists keep swapping out the original monkeys for new monkeys, who first try for the banana and are beaten up, learn and then police newer monkeys as they try.
In the end, even after the water is turned off you have five monkeys beating each other up to stop them touching a ladder and not a single one of them knows why.
A Picnic For Perverts is me defying popular wisdom and launching myself at the Banana. It may get us all wet.
In terms of style, someone of a optimistic nature might compare it to David Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs, George Saunders or Douglas Adams.
Here is a run down of the chapters in the book described in a cryptic manner using just three nouns and one adjective. They chapters don't interrelate in anyway. Well, other than the fact I wrote them all. Which is probably obvious.
- 419 Scam - Lagos. 419 Scam. Parrot. Naive.
- A Gorilla In Sheep’s Clothing - HR Departments. Sheep. Gorilla. Truthful.
- A Letter to Steve Jobs Concerning the Beatles - John Lennon. Leonardo da Vinci. Steve Jobs. Conspiratorial.
- Aggression in the Pursuit of Excellence - Charades. Families. Christmas. Absurd.
- Dear God - Child. God. Letter. Innocent.
- Don’t Ask me, it’s my First Day Here - Futurologist. Interview. Capitalism. Optimistic.
- Girl In Green at Table 14 - Letter. Cafe. Love. Heartwarming.
- Hello Flenky - Letter. Father. Son. Fearful.
- If it makes you happy - Letter. Sheryl Crow. Alcoholism. Happy.
- Like, how American am I? - Americans. Test. Science. Annoying.
- Mini You - Fatherhood. Relationship. Children. Mean.
- Mystic Marilyn - Horoscopes. Pseudoscience. Leo. Discrediting.
- Pidge Daddy - Pigeons. God. Adultery. Secretive.
- Quadrup - Aliens. Earth. Procreation. Illuminating.
- Ransom Note - Ransom. Marriage. Wife. Jesting.
- Sales Advice from Senior Seller Chip Dalton - Stationery. Americanism. Sales Advice. Scientific.
- The Average Day in the Life of a Woman - Women. Marriage. Relationships. Offensive.
- The Holes The Goal - Q&A with pick up artist Pat Spritzel - Interview. Advice. Women. Seductive.
- Wassup - God. Stoner. Seamonkeys. Disappointing.
- We the Sheeple - Note. Bus Driver. Society. Rebellious.
Probably you can't believe there's more but take a break from throwing your money at the screen while I inform you - there is! The book also contains 7 hilarious fake product ads for such outlandish products as The Thin Suit and The Nihilists 8-Ball. I know, I spoil you!
