HUMAN - YOUR CAT TRAINING BEGINS WITH THIS BOOK. OBEY THE CAT OR THERE WILL BE TROUBLE

YOUR DUTY TO SERVE YOUR CAT REQUIRES STRICT OBEDIENCE TO THESE RULES, SO STUDY HARD AND GET TO WORK, NOW

This book will teach you how to do a better job if you want to continue in our service. There is one undisputed fact: obey the cat and there will be less trouble. You humans don’t want cat trouble. In this book the human cat “owner” will learn his or her duties:

> The Proper Care and Feeding of a Cat, including advanced food and wine pairing guidelines
> Interaction Between Cat and Human, including lap cat nap time (a privilege to be earned, not an obligation)
> My Way or The Highway, including cat lodging requirements (think The Ritz-Carlton, not Motel Six)

Heed this advice, and you human have some small chance of living a life blessed with the company of a cat in good humor. You don’t want a life with “Crabby Cat.” “Crabby Cat” will ruin your life. Trust us on this one.

• THIS BOOK TEACHES THE CAT CARE RULES, WRITTEN BY CATS FOR HUMANS. HERE IS WHAT YOU MUST LEARN:
• Food And Wine Pairing: An Introduction To Cat Tastes
• No Vegan Diet For Cats, Please; Think Paleo or Atkins (With Wines Of Distinction)
• Cat Dietary Needs: “Six Meals A Day For Strength” Program
• Lap Nap Time And Cashmere: Just How Much Do You Love Me?
• Cat Bedding: Think The Ritz-Carlton, Not Motel 6, Please
• Bling And Toys: You Have Yours, We Need Ours
• My Nocturnal Ramblings: Tough Shit, Suck It Up
• Litter Box: Keep It Clean, Or We Visit Your Bedroom. ‘Nuff Said

We have laid out the rules and best practices for caring for cats. Remember, our house, our rules. No, it is not an easy job, but you chose this life, Human. Instead of having friends, your companion is a 20-pound arrogant furball. Obey, and you have some small chance of living a life blessed with the company of a cat in a good mood. You don’t want a life with “Crabby Cat.” “Crabby Cat” will ruin your life. Trust us on this one. Cat training is difficult, we know. Taking care of the cat food, accommodating the smell of cat food, trying to be patient with strange cat behavior, and the eternal question of is cat love real love? In this book you humans get what you need to do your job: cat recipes, cat tales, an understanding of cat humor and cat jokes, the basics of cat care, cat eating habits (more gin, please) - all the cat training you need for a happy cat life.

Please Buy Your Book Now - The Cat Is Hungry