From Helmand to Heywood (English Edition)

A top class North West England dark humour read where the interplay between colleagues and opposite sex gives lots of laughs. Starting with David Cameron in Camp Bastion, Helmand Province it winds through Lanzarote & Magaluf to the Lower Pennines where ex-soldier Fred has become a Superstore Security Manager and ideas man to BASSTARDS (British Association of Store Security Trade And Retail Distribution Staff) before his breakdown from Closed Memory Syndrome. He is joined by former squaddie Sid, a lifelong blagger and ladies' man, who wins £5m. on the National Lottery but loses his libido from being pursued by avaricious women after his cash. Both enter Rehab to refocus their lives & goals with retraining and Fred becomes an indispensable Adult Education Instructor (pursued by Daphne, the Cooking for One & Sculpture Made Easy teacher) who unwittingly creates the UK No. 1 Dogging spot with Sid using his Lottery win to start KETCHOUPP (Keep England The Charity Home Of Undeserving Poor People) to retain England's premier blagging & begging skills from fierce foreign competition using IT. With interventions from Chardonnay & Jeremy Kyle, it ends in the Canaries with BREEXIT (British Real Estate EXcites In Tenerife) overseen by Bert MI6, their old boss in Special Ops.