When Thomas invited his friends over for beers on a pretty typical Saturday, I was glad. The kids were at my mom’s for the morning and I was going out with my best friend to do some shopping and maybe catch a movie and if Thomas was alone, I’d get about an hour or two before the calls would come asking when I’d be home, especially when my mom dropped the kids off at noon. It was cute but irritating, and I liked that I’d be able to enjoy my friend without having to worry about my husband moping. On the other hand, when Carrie called me and cancelled because she was called into work for a special project, I was pretty disappointed. The worst part about it was that knowing I’d be gone, Thomas was making it a huge testosterone-induced frenzy with an action film DVD, barbecue steak, and poker. Hell, I wouldn’t have minded that at all if I didn’t have to be there for it. I could have just gone out by myself but I wasn’t the kind of person who enjoyed that at all.
I figured on just making the best of it, so I made some side dishes for the big strong meat eaters and prepared to be adored by the cavemen. It was actually kind of fun to think about how much I’d be able to tease Thomas about it later. The friends arrived about ten thirty, and Thomas fired up the barbecue and then they started the film. I made myself scarce, just drinking a glass of wine and enjoying a novel in the kitchen. Then, I made my way to the living room and rolled my eyes at the silly violence and macho crap on the screen. The men all groaned and Alex said, “Women just don’t like the best movies.”
I laughed. “You think this is one of the best?”
Robert, the other guest said, “Yeah. None of the best action flicks and no porn.”
I couldn’t let that go. “Hey,” I said. “I let Tommy watch porn. I even watch it with him sometimes.” There were some hoots and whistles and I added, “Stop being stupid. Why would you want to watch playacting girls when you could have a real woman?”
Of course, that comment meant even more howling and hooting. I rolled my eyes and said, “The problem with you guys is that you wouldn’t know how to screw a real woman anyway.”
Thomas laughed and said, “I screw you.”
I laughed and said, “You’re making my point for me. Who said you knew how to screw me?”
I figured on just making the best of it, so I made some side dishes for the big strong meat eaters and prepared to be adored by the cavemen. It was actually kind of fun to think about how much I’d be able to tease Thomas about it later. The friends arrived about ten thirty, and Thomas fired up the barbecue and then they started the film. I made myself scarce, just drinking a glass of wine and enjoying a novel in the kitchen. Then, I made my way to the living room and rolled my eyes at the silly violence and macho crap on the screen. The men all groaned and Alex said, “Women just don’t like the best movies.”
I laughed. “You think this is one of the best?”
Robert, the other guest said, “Yeah. None of the best action flicks and no porn.”
I couldn’t let that go. “Hey,” I said. “I let Tommy watch porn. I even watch it with him sometimes.” There were some hoots and whistles and I added, “Stop being stupid. Why would you want to watch playacting girls when you could have a real woman?”
Of course, that comment meant even more howling and hooting. I rolled my eyes and said, “The problem with you guys is that you wouldn’t know how to screw a real woman anyway.”
Thomas laughed and said, “I screw you.”
I laughed and said, “You’re making my point for me. Who said you knew how to screw me?”
